Saturday, November 21, 2009

Tough Times

I'm glad the holidays are finally coming to distract me from other things! A lot has happened last month- I talked a little bit about what Ian was going through, but didn't even mention anything I've been going through.

October is a rough month for me. My father would have celebrated his 56th birthday on the 30th. And the 15th marked the 10 year anniversary of my mother's death. I still can't believe it's been 10 years, and yet at the same time I barely remember that time of my life and think- really, it's only been 10 years? It seemed like a lifetime ago. I've been thinking a lot about them lately- especially when I'm dealing with Serra. I have a whole new gratitude in my heart for what my parents did for me and am amazed at how much patience they had with me- because, let's be honest, I was probably their "tough" one.

I wonder what it would have been like to watch them play with Serra- to have them here for those kinds of moments. But at the same time sometimes I think that it's easier for me to think of the distant future because I have a very clear goal in mind. Not only do I want to guarantee my place in the Celestial Kingdom, but I have two parents who have already passed through the veil that I need to work towards being with again. It puts a whole new perspective on why I need to endure to the end. I don't think I would ever choose to have them leave so early, but since they have it kind of gives it a little bit of a silver lining to think that way.

I love my parents very much and hope they are still proud of me- I try to think when I'm making choices not only about what would Jesus want me to do, but what would my parents have me do- what would they have done- what would they tell me to do if they were here. In a lot of ways I feel like they are still guiding me in my life, just in a different way from most people. I have felt their presence a lot when I needed it most and I'm thankful that I've been able to have those opportunities.

I've also been thinking about them a lot again because of another big change that has happened in my life. Ian and I have found out that I'm pregnant! We're very excited to welcome this addition to our family. As of right now my due date is in June, but that may change at my next doctor's appointment- we'll keep everyone updated. I was hoping to keep it hidden for a while longer, but I've already started showing- and anyone who knew I was trying to lose weight would question the sudden change in my belly! So, it's announced earlier than I might have liked, but that's okay- it's fun to get the congratulations from everyone.

Speaking of the holidays, I guess I'll spill the beans on what we're doing for that. Thanksgiving we've decided to drive down to Utah and stay with Paige. But we'll be going out to eat for the big meal [it's cheaper and that way we can get all the food choices we want without buying it, making it, and cleaning up after it!] We'll be doing our Black Friday shopping in the Orem area and probably coming back home that Saturday.

Christmas will be here in Idaho with Ian's brother and sister-in-law and possibly a friend of Ian's from high school and her little boy. It should be a fun group and we look forward to having company- even if we'll be a little cramped in our townhouse. I hope each of you have some happy holidays! We'll be sure to post pictures and stories of our fun- hopefully each of you do too!


Lorie said...

Kristen, Your post made me emotional. You sure do have a tough October. I'm glad you made it through. Also, congratulations on the new baby! So exciting!

Michelle said...

Tons of Hugs from Ohio...I remember your parents as if they were just here yesterday! They are awesome! Congrats by the way on the new baby!! That is totally awesome news!

mort said...

CONGRATS! I wondered but I didn't want to pry. I've noticed you've been quiet and I was worried something was wrong. You have had it rough. I'm glad you are my neighbor and that I'm getting to know you better. Let me know if I can help. That's what friends do!
PS missed you today

Amy said...

I'm sorry you've had such a rough month. I'm sure your parents are proud of you, and what an awesome perspective. I hope you know that I love you too.

Congratulations on the baby! We will be praying that all goes well with that!

Have a great Thanksgiving!

ME said...

Yea for a new baby! Things must be hectic with caring for yourself with the new little one, your already adorable one, your husband, your new place and everything else!
You've had a lot of lose so early in life, but you also have a loving family, with a new one on the way. Your parents are still looking out for you.

"We never know the love of a parent till we become parents ourselves."-Henry Ward Beecher

Steve, Crystal, Cohen & Carson said...

Wow lots of sad and yet such awesome news, big congrats!!! I am so excited for you and hope you are feeling well. Your parents are super proud of you i am sure! post pictures of the ultrasounds hen you get them- yeah I love babies!

Megan said...

I love the way you shared your thoughts on how you handle life without your parents still in the world. I think that is a brilliant way to think about it and am glad you feel that way. I know this in no way is similar, but I remember the day you called me about your mother's death. I was devestated for you. I know that I haven't had to deal with it in the same way you have, but I believe you are doing your best to remember their influence and help raise their granddaughter they best you know how. Congratulations on the second on the way and good luck with the pregnancy. The second one is just as exciting as the first! I love you Kristen.

Love, The Riemans said...

Your words were beautiful and made me tear up. Thanks for sharing and I'm so happy for you guys having a new little addition. Congratulations!

Michal said...

i know that i am very late in reading this post, but i'm glad i did read it. thanks for sharing your thoughts. i often think about how it would be to have lost both of my parents so young-- i remember that after my dad died, i kinda thought that guaranteed that my mom would be around a long time, as if heavenly father just COULDN'T take them both. when i heard about your dad, i was stunned. how could that happen when you'd already lost your mom?
i know that the lord knows all things from the beginning and that he is blessing you and your family even though you have these trials. we love you guys and love your parents. thank heavens we know about the plan of salvation and eternal families.

oh, and congrats on the baby on the way! that's wonderful!