I guess you sow what you reap. I love Idaho so far and the people I've met, but I've had a hard time trying to feel like I'm making new lasting relationships because none of my other ones have lasted. Some of them I can look back and say I did something wrong, but honestly for most of them I have no idea what happened. I thought it was just life- you grow up and move away, you have a family of your own and you lose touch. But through the last couple of years I've learned that I'm apparently the only one!
I'm barely on talking basis [if you count leaving occasional comments on each others' blogs] with my best friend since we were 4. I'm "friends" on Facebook and that's about it with my best friend since we were 6. I got a baby announcement card in the mail with no note and only a 1 paragraph email prior notice of her even being pregnant from my best friend since we were 12. My other best friend since I was about 14 and she was 13, we comment on each others' blogs and used to have the occasional phone call, but hey- she has 4 kids and has lived in a different state than me for the last 9 years! My high school friends haven't really talked to me since high school. My college friends are the same way. The women I knew in the ward we lived in for 3 years in Orem- I left when I was pregnant with Serra- barely remember me when I last went to visit. Now I've left other friends in Lehi and I can already see those friendships fading. So part of me wants to say, "what's the point?"
Ian and I used to laugh about how everywhere we went if we sat down first, no one would ever sit near us- at school, church, restaurants, etc. But now I almost wonder... do people sense something about me? I know I've kept a little distance because of losing people in my life, but I feel like once I've opened up to someone I let them see the real me. Maybe I'm still holding something back though- maybe I view every friendship as temporary and so that's why that's all it ever is. Perhaps I'll never know. So to those of you reading this who used to be a close friend of mine and we've sort of lost contact, I'm sorry- whether it was my "fault" or not. I consider myself lucky for at least being able to find new friends in each new season of my life- even if I wasn't able to keep those same friends for as long as I might have liked.